It's 10:12pm as I start writing this. I've just had my dinner of noodles stir fried in soya meat. It's more delicious than it sounds. It's a polite evening. Enjoying my own company and playing R. Kelly's Love Letter album in the background. Notice how music is such an integral part of my life.
The Zahir is already making me think again so I've ditched it for some other literary works. One of my bookmarks is Biko Zulu's blog on wordpress. He writes so well! I wonder if I'll ever gain such command over words. I would love to describe things to you better so you can see where 'the boat' is leading me. Again, that reference is from the Zahir.
I'm reading Biko's post on things people get attached to and I immediately thought of my ring.
The ring was initially my sister's. It was a present from some guy. He must have been insignificant because she didn't mind when I took adverse possession of it. This was way back in December 2004. I remember because I'd just completed high school. seven years down the line, I still have my ring.
It's a silver ring with diamante stones. I always wear it on my left middle finger. This finger has a tan line the shape of the ring. I don't have the words for you to visualize it... Also cannot upload a picture of it because my internet connection has been flaky tonight.
I don't know why I became so attached to this ring. I know I've gone through milestones with this ring; finding and losing my first love, K.C.P.E results, first day at campus and graduation, meeting and breaking up with my ex (notice how I've not called him BooBoo? That's the Zahir magic right there!), my first job last year and now at the Kenya School of Law.
This ring has been through a lot.
However, I've recently found out that I've neglected this ring of mine. I have acquired others like this antique looking one with a butterfly on a flower :-) It's really pretty. But that's beside the point.
Between late 2004 and 2010, I could not go anywhere without it. I'd freak out when I noticed it wasn't on my finger. As in full blown panic attack. I don't know why I was so attached to it. Maybe I'd given it too much meaning, made it a symbolic representation of whatever was going on in my life at any given time in that period. Now, I prefer my antique ring to it. Or just a bare finger.
Is this some way of my brain telling me that I'm opening a new chapter? A time to get rid of the old? To kind of disrobe from an otherwise dirty garment? To somehow make me aware that I need to move on into something unknown?
I don't know.
What I do know is that in 2011, I've left it behind so many times and not one time have I felt the need to rush back home and put it on or feel my heart sink because of it's absence. I'm strangely at peace. Who knew such an innate item like a silver ring would hold such significance?
Oh well. I'm letting go of this ring. Letting go of whatever it represents. The tan line will still be there. And for as long as it's there, the tan line that is, it will serve whatever purpose the ring served till colour comes back to my finger. What was that about bearing scars as medals?
It's 10:48 pm.
undefined.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The Road To Santiago
I was recently introduced to the author Paulo Coelho by some of my new friends on twitter and one was so gracious as to send me his e-books which include a couple by said author. Thanks guys :-)
I randomly chose to start with one book called The Zahir; A Novel of Obsession. I thought it would be like any other book; fictitious and somehow unreal full of plots and scenarios that are disgustingly predictable. I was wrong!
From the prologue, this book tightly gripped at my imaginary nuts! You can only imagine how tight (as virginity) that is. I like how Paulo quotes the bible and works by some seemingly great mind of the 19th century, Constantine Cavafy. From this onset,the book takes you to a journey within yourself in a very unexpected manner. Maybe I didn't help the situation by playing Adele's 21 album softly in the background.
You may(not) have read this book so as an introduction, Zahir in Arabic means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. Also is when something occupies your mind to the exclusion of all other things. The way Paulo tells the story of the main character's Zahir...
At some point I stopped reading the book. I was just to afraid of it because it had me asking questions about myself that I'd never thought of... Well, I had thought of them but not this intensely and definitely not for this long.
Thanks to the app I got for reading my new set of e-books, mobi pocket reader, I can do awesome stuff like highlight phrases that got me thinking. Awesome, right? Do not laugh at the technically challenged. By the way Adobe used to work just fine... But thanks again. You know yourself.
Here's what I'll do for this post: I'll share some excerpts and let you know what it made me think about. It's kinda like my own journey to that Spanish border town called Santiago. Again, read the book to get familiar with it.
I hope I'm not breaking any copyright laws but since I've mentioned my source and my views are simply my own, I think I'm in the clear. They excerpts are those that are in bold.
I don’t regret the painful times; I bear my scars as if they were medals. I know that freedom has a high price, as high as that of slavery; the only difference is that you pay with pleasure and a smile, even when that smile is dimmed by tears.
This reminded me of my first relationship. I was 18 and truly, deeply, madly in love. of course it ended badly. I was crushed to the tiniest bits. I could see, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't eat... I was broken. And I was alone. I did not have anyone to talk to who could understand me (I think I was more mature than most of my friends at that time so..). Endless nights I cried myself to sleep, praying for the hurt to go away. Alas, it did not. I even walked into traffic in town... A tad suicidal? That was the most idiotic thing I've ever done.
But that is my scar. There is another but I do not have the courage to share it now... The point is, this wasn't my end. Somehow I managed to rise above the hurt, the anger, the suicidal thoughts (?) and I rose like a phoenix from the ashes. Free to love and be loved again.
My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It’s happened before, it will happen again, I’m sure. When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive—I’ll find love again.
Forgive me if I seem to be talking too much about relationships. If you have read previous posts, you know I'm recently single. Yes it has been like a huge weight has been lifted from my heart but oh my! This new status has me in so much anxiety! Like Paulo says, when someone leaves it is because someone else is about to arrive. Am I ready? Am I strong enough? How Do I look Like? Am I funny, sensitive, ambitious, interesting enough for him to remain interested? Will he immediately notice my inadequacies as a human being, a woman, a lawyer? then Paulo wrote this;
Why do I have such frustrating relationships with men? I always feel like I have to be in a relationship and that means I have to be this fantastic, intelligent, sensitive, exceptional person. The effort of seduction forces me to give of my best and that helps me.
See how he's in my head? This is something Esther, the Zahir, said in this book. It was just before she left to go do some weird sort or self realization and quest for love. Maybe i should just give up on having any other relationship because for as long as these questions keep repeating themselves in my head, I wont be able to love (again).
What is love anyways?
Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.
I can't even begin to tell you how confused this has me. If I relate it with my first love, I can totally understand but now... How do I know I'm in love? I know how it feels in my head, in my heart and on my body but if that is it then I've fallen in love with so many people! Aren't we promised just that One? Help me out.
But the day man learns to harness the energy of love, that will be as important as the discovery of fire.
Oh Paulo! If only you had a more direct answer. How the hell do I do something as majestic as discovering fire? I'm this insignificant (seemingly) entity. How then am I able to comprehend such!
I'm almost only half way through the book now. I hope I will find more definite answers to some of thew questions that I still have. I know many more will come up as I continue. I wonder what will become of my Zahir...
It seems I still have a long distance to cover before I reach Santiago.
undefined
I randomly chose to start with one book called The Zahir; A Novel of Obsession. I thought it would be like any other book; fictitious and somehow unreal full of plots and scenarios that are disgustingly predictable. I was wrong!
From the prologue, this book tightly gripped at my imaginary nuts! You can only imagine how tight (as virginity) that is. I like how Paulo quotes the bible and works by some seemingly great mind of the 19th century, Constantine Cavafy. From this onset,the book takes you to a journey within yourself in a very unexpected manner. Maybe I didn't help the situation by playing Adele's 21 album softly in the background.
You may(not) have read this book so as an introduction, Zahir in Arabic means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. Also is when something occupies your mind to the exclusion of all other things. The way Paulo tells the story of the main character's Zahir...
At some point I stopped reading the book. I was just to afraid of it because it had me asking questions about myself that I'd never thought of... Well, I had thought of them but not this intensely and definitely not for this long.
Thanks to the app I got for reading my new set of e-books, mobi pocket reader, I can do awesome stuff like highlight phrases that got me thinking. Awesome, right? Do not laugh at the technically challenged. By the way Adobe used to work just fine... But thanks again. You know yourself.
Here's what I'll do for this post: I'll share some excerpts and let you know what it made me think about. It's kinda like my own journey to that Spanish border town called Santiago. Again, read the book to get familiar with it.
I hope I'm not breaking any copyright laws but since I've mentioned my source and my views are simply my own, I think I'm in the clear. They excerpts are those that are in bold.
I don’t regret the painful times; I bear my scars as if they were medals. I know that freedom has a high price, as high as that of slavery; the only difference is that you pay with pleasure and a smile, even when that smile is dimmed by tears.
This reminded me of my first relationship. I was 18 and truly, deeply, madly in love. of course it ended badly. I was crushed to the tiniest bits. I could see, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't eat... I was broken. And I was alone. I did not have anyone to talk to who could understand me (I think I was more mature than most of my friends at that time so..). Endless nights I cried myself to sleep, praying for the hurt to go away. Alas, it did not. I even walked into traffic in town... A tad suicidal? That was the most idiotic thing I've ever done.
But that is my scar. There is another but I do not have the courage to share it now... The point is, this wasn't my end. Somehow I managed to rise above the hurt, the anger, the suicidal thoughts (?) and I rose like a phoenix from the ashes. Free to love and be loved again.
My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It’s happened before, it will happen again, I’m sure. When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive—I’ll find love again.
Forgive me if I seem to be talking too much about relationships. If you have read previous posts, you know I'm recently single. Yes it has been like a huge weight has been lifted from my heart but oh my! This new status has me in so much anxiety! Like Paulo says, when someone leaves it is because someone else is about to arrive. Am I ready? Am I strong enough? How Do I look Like? Am I funny, sensitive, ambitious, interesting enough for him to remain interested? Will he immediately notice my inadequacies as a human being, a woman, a lawyer? then Paulo wrote this;
Why do I have such frustrating relationships with men? I always feel like I have to be in a relationship and that means I have to be this fantastic, intelligent, sensitive, exceptional person. The effort of seduction forces me to give of my best and that helps me.
See how he's in my head? This is something Esther, the Zahir, said in this book. It was just before she left to go do some weird sort or self realization and quest for love. Maybe i should just give up on having any other relationship because for as long as these questions keep repeating themselves in my head, I wont be able to love (again).
What is love anyways?
Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.
I can't even begin to tell you how confused this has me. If I relate it with my first love, I can totally understand but now... How do I know I'm in love? I know how it feels in my head, in my heart and on my body but if that is it then I've fallen in love with so many people! Aren't we promised just that One? Help me out.
But the day man learns to harness the energy of love, that will be as important as the discovery of fire.
Oh Paulo! If only you had a more direct answer. How the hell do I do something as majestic as discovering fire? I'm this insignificant (seemingly) entity. How then am I able to comprehend such!
I'm almost only half way through the book now. I hope I will find more definite answers to some of thew questions that I still have. I know many more will come up as I continue. I wonder what will become of my Zahir...
It seems I still have a long distance to cover before I reach Santiago.
undefined
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
My Body Is A Temple
According to mummy dearest, there are five stages in a girl's life; birth, K.C.S.E/18th birthday, graduation, marriage and kids and finally, death. She has constantly been reminding me that I'm way past graduation (never mind that it's only been two years and I'm back in school anyways) and that by the time she was my age, she had already finished giving birth ( technically I'm the last-born but there's Monica who she thinks I do not know about). That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you spell pressure.
The first time I took BooBoo home, Ma pretended to liked him. Two years later, I was constantly lectured on how he was not a good match for me which I now agree with for these and other reasons. I know I haven't told you what transpired between BooBoo and I but if you had started hating him, please don't. All of it was my own doing and I take full responsibility for it. It wasn't intentional....
Back to what this post is all about.
I'm in the limbo between graduation and marriage with no prospective husbands. I know I've been single for all of one week but ey, no time like the present! No one has (seriously) hit on me and I do not have any crush on anyone. I sound like a 12 year old. Anyways. Yes, I'm alone and so far, loving it. I do not have to remember to call anyone or have to ask how his day has been or say that 'L' word when I do not mean it. Oh God! It's like I lost 10kgs!
My deductions from a very extensive research (Google, gossip, 'my friend is going through this') shows that single women my age tend to heavily rely on sexual relationships other than the other more meaningful types. You know the kind with emotions, shared visions and a shared hope for a future together. Some are mistresses and others change sexual partners as often as I change my panties! No judgment from me but.... catch me dead!
So what I had a steady sex supply for a couple of years and now that supply is gone? I am not defined by my sexual relations (or lack thereof) and I never will be. The bible says that our bodies are God's temples and that we should keep them clean and holy as He intended. Plus Ma drilled it in me to stay a virgin till I got married from the day I got my first period. That was so deeply rooted into me that till this day when I go for confession I ask God for forgiveness for my episodes of fornication! I kid you not!
Call me naive or unworldly, but sex is a very sacred component of any relationship. Ideally in a marriage but this (boyfriend-girlfriend relationship) should count too. I wonder how these women feel having different men in them every other night (only exceptions are nymphos and prostitutes; one is sick and the other has to earn her keep). And how do they face these men outside the bedroom? I'd be so embarrassed! And of course the men will go around calling you a slut behind your back as they analyze if you have skills or not! I hate such men! As if they are any better. Man whores, they are called.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am going to keep myself pure, secondary virginity as it were, and be true only to myself. Besides, that's too much drama for me. I have settled (ish) into single-hood and actually taking time to know myself once again and to put myself first and to go back to doing all those things I loved to do that I could not (not that BooBoo stopped me but there are those sacrifices you make in a relationship) and just be happy. I will honour myself, my body and my spirit. I will endeavour to get closer to God and concentrate in my studies like never before.
Wow! It is a brand new day and it's all for me!
*cue in Mirror by Monica*
undefined.
The first time I took BooBoo home, Ma pretended to liked him. Two years later, I was constantly lectured on how he was not a good match for me which I now agree with for these and other reasons. I know I haven't told you what transpired between BooBoo and I but if you had started hating him, please don't. All of it was my own doing and I take full responsibility for it. It wasn't intentional....
Back to what this post is all about.
I'm in the limbo between graduation and marriage with no prospective husbands. I know I've been single for all of one week but ey, no time like the present! No one has (seriously) hit on me and I do not have any crush on anyone. I sound like a 12 year old. Anyways. Yes, I'm alone and so far, loving it. I do not have to remember to call anyone or have to ask how his day has been or say that 'L' word when I do not mean it. Oh God! It's like I lost 10kgs!
My deductions from a very extensive research (Google, gossip, 'my friend is going through this') shows that single women my age tend to heavily rely on sexual relationships other than the other more meaningful types. You know the kind with emotions, shared visions and a shared hope for a future together. Some are mistresses and others change sexual partners as often as I change my panties! No judgment from me but.... catch me dead!
So what I had a steady sex supply for a couple of years and now that supply is gone? I am not defined by my sexual relations (or lack thereof) and I never will be. The bible says that our bodies are God's temples and that we should keep them clean and holy as He intended. Plus Ma drilled it in me to stay a virgin till I got married from the day I got my first period. That was so deeply rooted into me that till this day when I go for confession I ask God for forgiveness for my episodes of fornication! I kid you not!
Call me naive or unworldly, but sex is a very sacred component of any relationship. Ideally in a marriage but this (boyfriend-girlfriend relationship) should count too. I wonder how these women feel having different men in them every other night (only exceptions are nymphos and prostitutes; one is sick and the other has to earn her keep). And how do they face these men outside the bedroom? I'd be so embarrassed! And of course the men will go around calling you a slut behind your back as they analyze if you have skills or not! I hate such men! As if they are any better. Man whores, they are called.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am going to keep myself pure, secondary virginity as it were, and be true only to myself. Besides, that's too much drama for me. I have settled (ish) into single-hood and actually taking time to know myself once again and to put myself first and to go back to doing all those things I loved to do that I could not (not that BooBoo stopped me but there are those sacrifices you make in a relationship) and just be happy. I will honour myself, my body and my spirit. I will endeavour to get closer to God and concentrate in my studies like never before.
Wow! It is a brand new day and it's all for me!
*cue in Mirror by Monica*
undefined.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
News Just In
I'm still not sure how it happened but BooBoo and I broke up............
I'm sad it happened the way it did (on phone) because I had no control over the situation. I wish it was a face to face conversation(?) because somehow I'd have managed it better. I like being in control of situations. It was more like an ambush.
Maybe I'll write what exactly happened, maybe I wont. I'm torn between jumping for joy and crying my eyes out! It's been three years, you know... I'm just a heap of mixed up emotions... I can't think straight even as I write this so forgive me if I'm incoherent and if my paragraphs do not have topic sentences!
The next chapter of my life is a bit terrifying. I don't remember how to be single. Damn! No constant supply of sex! Maybe I should reward myself by having a meaningless romp to also signal my girlfriend down below that it's a wrap! Lmao/wiping tear.
I'm a strong girl, that I know. And by tonight I'll be planning on how to tackle said next chapter.
Getting out my make and make up brushes, putting on a new attitude, walking with my head high and with that spring in my step and swing on my hips! I'll keep being beautiful, faithful, truthful to me and I SHALL OVERCOME.
Cue in 'I will Survive'!
undefined
I'm sad it happened the way it did (on phone) because I had no control over the situation. I wish it was a face to face conversation(?) because somehow I'd have managed it better. I like being in control of situations. It was more like an ambush.
Maybe I'll write what exactly happened, maybe I wont. I'm torn between jumping for joy and crying my eyes out! It's been three years, you know... I'm just a heap of mixed up emotions... I can't think straight even as I write this so forgive me if I'm incoherent and if my paragraphs do not have topic sentences!
The next chapter of my life is a bit terrifying. I don't remember how to be single. Damn! No constant supply of sex! Maybe I should reward myself by having a meaningless romp to also signal my girlfriend down below that it's a wrap! Lmao/wiping tear.
I'm a strong girl, that I know. And by tonight I'll be planning on how to tackle said next chapter.
Getting out my make and make up brushes, putting on a new attitude, walking with my head high and with that spring in my step and swing on my hips! I'll keep being beautiful, faithful, truthful to me and I SHALL OVERCOME.
Cue in 'I will Survive'!
undefined
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Human Connections and how BooBoo and I met.
After a tiff with BooBoo last night, I sat and thought about what it is that makes us humans connect with each other. cause of the little spat was a third party, hence my fascination with human connections.
I exist in a more or less introvert extrovert continuum (I hope that makes sense) so a lot tends to take place in my head rather than in reality, extrovert(edly) and after ample stimulation and only in rare circumstances. I think most acquaintances know only this side of my personality and that is why they keep asking me for lunch dates even after I blatantly refuse! But I digress.
Like any other human, I highly value bonds that I form with other people. Sometimes I read too much into these bonds or bondee does the same but all in all, it's a bond nonetheless. Most of the people I bond with are people I meet on a daily basis but an almost larger number are people I meet on the net. What does that say about me? I'd rather hang out with 'imaginary friends' than real people? I think people you haven't met expect less form you and thus to pressure to conform is reduced. On the other hand, it might be harder to stay in relevant communication with these 'imaginary friends; because you may not exactly paint yourself in the best light. I get a feeling I'm rambling...
But you have to agree there's a certain mystery in talking to someone you do not know. I mean, even the theory of 6 degrees of separation doesn't apply here. And there's something about that bond that you form because this is something that is of your own creation. No friend of friend or anything. I realize this can also happen in the real world but it's better in the virtual world. I've met some real cool people this way. From the days of Reporo and mig33 to facebook and twitter. It's amazing, these human connections.
From this onset, you shouldn't be surprised that BooBoo and I met through the web :-) Yes. Through that phone chat app called mig33. It was in 2007, the second quarter of it if memory serves me right. I was in campus then and I had to have something to occupy me during boring lectures or when I had better things to do than attend them. So, yeah. I 'bumped' into him in a public room which several 'bumpings' later let to a private chat! The more I type, the more weird this gets! Someone call Dr. Normal!
He'd just come back form Germany and maybe felt the need for a Kenyan connection. That sounds cheesy. Anyways. Chat after chat we realized we had 'something' and phone numbers were exchanged. But somewhere in between, my real life contacts were more appealing so...... That was that.
Fast forward to December. I was back home from school for Christmas. He was in Eldoret (which is where I went to school. holla Moi Uni alumni) and was lonely. His family had traveled and he had better things to do than tow along. At that point in time, the election fever was high pitch. He was non partisan and I was PNU. He didn't even have an voting card! And I had fallen into the tribal divide. I won't even get into that.
Christmas Day! I logged in (my username was xsistasoulx, just in case we might've 'bumped') and there he was. Oh, I forgot to tell you that we used to flash each other every time we needed to talk... Do not criticize. So we're chatting and I'm going on and on about how I was having a fab day and he tells me how lonely he was. Then I came up with the genius idea to make him a virtual Christmas lunch. I'm so sweet! That went on and on... We never had cyber sex, FYI.
Election day! After performing my civic duty, I log on to brag about it. He cares less. Hmmm... That should've been a sign. Not much to talk about that day. But on the day results were announced and Kibaki was (controversially) sworn in and when all hell went loose, there was something to talk about. I got a play by play what the situation was in Eldoret. It wasn't pretty. It was OK in Mombasa till 30th. My dad, safety freak he is, decided that we should put away all expensive items in the house. That included my phone and the t.v. Actually the t.v was swapped for a very old model that was gathering dust somewhere. Up the 'attic' they went. I didn't talk to him till sometime in January when things had cooled down, somewhat.
Maybe it was fear that was in in Kenyans at that time but things just went whizzzzzzzz!!! Up the scale!!! And later the L word was mentioned... Not by me, I'd never say it first :-) I should make it clear that till L word, we had never met. He had sent me a photo of himself but I didn't return the favour. I wanted him to see me in slow motion the first time we met so I didn't want to spoil that (for myself). I sound so self obsessed! Oh, well.
Cutting the long story short, we met in February 2008. My slow motion walk in failed because I turned up early for the date :-/. After that, well.... here we are.
In as much as we may sometimes want to shut ourselves out from reality, it is unavoidable that at our core, we need to be connected. To have that bond with some other human being. Whether for selfish reasons or noble ones. And I also think that we shouldn't just stick to the conventional. take a risk. Meet a total stranger. You will love it.
I do not have a better conclusion for this post so...... The end!!
P.s
follow me on twitter @kenyanese186. Will try link my blog to it but I'm still too shy to bear myself to the world so, let's keep it local.
undefined.
I exist in a more or less introvert extrovert continuum (I hope that makes sense) so a lot tends to take place in my head rather than in reality, extrovert(edly) and after ample stimulation and only in rare circumstances. I think most acquaintances know only this side of my personality and that is why they keep asking me for lunch dates even after I blatantly refuse! But I digress.
Like any other human, I highly value bonds that I form with other people. Sometimes I read too much into these bonds or bondee does the same but all in all, it's a bond nonetheless. Most of the people I bond with are people I meet on a daily basis but an almost larger number are people I meet on the net. What does that say about me? I'd rather hang out with 'imaginary friends' than real people? I think people you haven't met expect less form you and thus to pressure to conform is reduced. On the other hand, it might be harder to stay in relevant communication with these 'imaginary friends; because you may not exactly paint yourself in the best light. I get a feeling I'm rambling...
But you have to agree there's a certain mystery in talking to someone you do not know. I mean, even the theory of 6 degrees of separation doesn't apply here. And there's something about that bond that you form because this is something that is of your own creation. No friend of friend or anything. I realize this can also happen in the real world but it's better in the virtual world. I've met some real cool people this way. From the days of Reporo and mig33 to facebook and twitter. It's amazing, these human connections.
From this onset, you shouldn't be surprised that BooBoo and I met through the web :-) Yes. Through that phone chat app called mig33. It was in 2007, the second quarter of it if memory serves me right. I was in campus then and I had to have something to occupy me during boring lectures or when I had better things to do than attend them. So, yeah. I 'bumped' into him in a public room which several 'bumpings' later let to a private chat! The more I type, the more weird this gets! Someone call Dr. Normal!
He'd just come back form Germany and maybe felt the need for a Kenyan connection. That sounds cheesy. Anyways. Chat after chat we realized we had 'something' and phone numbers were exchanged. But somewhere in between, my real life contacts were more appealing so...... That was that.
Fast forward to December. I was back home from school for Christmas. He was in Eldoret (which is where I went to school. holla Moi Uni alumni) and was lonely. His family had traveled and he had better things to do than tow along. At that point in time, the election fever was high pitch. He was non partisan and I was PNU. He didn't even have an voting card! And I had fallen into the tribal divide. I won't even get into that.
Christmas Day! I logged in (my username was xsistasoulx, just in case we might've 'bumped') and there he was. Oh, I forgot to tell you that we used to flash each other every time we needed to talk... Do not criticize. So we're chatting and I'm going on and on about how I was having a fab day and he tells me how lonely he was. Then I came up with the genius idea to make him a virtual Christmas lunch. I'm so sweet! That went on and on... We never had cyber sex, FYI.
Election day! After performing my civic duty, I log on to brag about it. He cares less. Hmmm... That should've been a sign. Not much to talk about that day. But on the day results were announced and Kibaki was (controversially) sworn in and when all hell went loose, there was something to talk about. I got a play by play what the situation was in Eldoret. It wasn't pretty. It was OK in Mombasa till 30th. My dad, safety freak he is, decided that we should put away all expensive items in the house. That included my phone and the t.v. Actually the t.v was swapped for a very old model that was gathering dust somewhere. Up the 'attic' they went. I didn't talk to him till sometime in January when things had cooled down, somewhat.
Maybe it was fear that was in in Kenyans at that time but things just went whizzzzzzzz!!! Up the scale!!! And later the L word was mentioned... Not by me, I'd never say it first :-) I should make it clear that till L word, we had never met. He had sent me a photo of himself but I didn't return the favour. I wanted him to see me in slow motion the first time we met so I didn't want to spoil that (for myself). I sound so self obsessed! Oh, well.
Cutting the long story short, we met in February 2008. My slow motion walk in failed because I turned up early for the date :-/. After that, well.... here we are.
In as much as we may sometimes want to shut ourselves out from reality, it is unavoidable that at our core, we need to be connected. To have that bond with some other human being. Whether for selfish reasons or noble ones. And I also think that we shouldn't just stick to the conventional. take a risk. Meet a total stranger. You will love it.
I do not have a better conclusion for this post so...... The end!!
P.s
follow me on twitter @kenyanese186. Will try link my blog to it but I'm still too shy to bear myself to the world so, let's keep it local.
undefined.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Nothing specific. Kinda like a short story, but not quite
Yesterday, true to their colossal wanker selves, KPLC decided to turn off the lights. Just when I was beginning to enjoy tweetdeck, my recent discovery. As I was navigating through it, I notice that my laptop's battery is about to go off. Oh no! Just when talking to cyber crush was getting interesting :-( As I hit the reply button, flash message pops up, 'plug in or find another power source'. Where is this other power source?? I realize, now, that other people may have two batteries but still, wtf?
Did I say cyber crush? Yeah. There's this guy I've been DMing back and forth on twitter. I wouldn't call it crush per se. I just like talking to him... the 100+ DMs say so. And no, I'm not single. In fact, booboo is in the kitchen making supper while I type away about some guy I've not even met. Go back. Yes, he cooks for me :-) And I feel zilch for flirting with twitter guy.
The reason for this may be because I badly need to get out of this relationship. That's another post for another day. I'll post it after he goes back home. I'm in Nairobi but we're both from Mombasa. He came over for a visit and I'm itching to tell him to go back home :-/ Anyways, he's leaving soon.
So yeah, I'm in Nairobi. Well technically. I really did not want to come here but since I had no choice.... There's just a thing about this city. Maybe it's because I grew up in Mombasa. I really did (do) not like this town. That again is another post. But so far, it's kinda growing on me. It just might work out for the two of us. Looking forward to the adventures in store and other things.
My ex just came to mind! How random! Now that will be the mother of all posts!!!! He is trapped in a loveless marriage! Ha! That's what you get for breaking up with me (this is what vanity looks like). I will not deny that once upon a time, I was dumped (this is what humility looks like). But when I saw him there was this rush of emotion and before any of us.... Like i said, that's for another post.
Looks like there might be a tiny winy problem in the kitchen. But look at that! DM(1)! take a wild guess what i decided to check out first!
Did I say cyber crush? Yeah. There's this guy I've been DMing back and forth on twitter. I wouldn't call it crush per se. I just like talking to him... the 100+ DMs say so. And no, I'm not single. In fact, booboo is in the kitchen making supper while I type away about some guy I've not even met. Go back. Yes, he cooks for me :-) And I feel zilch for flirting with twitter guy.
The reason for this may be because I badly need to get out of this relationship. That's another post for another day. I'll post it after he goes back home. I'm in Nairobi but we're both from Mombasa. He came over for a visit and I'm itching to tell him to go back home :-/ Anyways, he's leaving soon.
So yeah, I'm in Nairobi. Well technically. I really did not want to come here but since I had no choice.... There's just a thing about this city. Maybe it's because I grew up in Mombasa. I really did (do) not like this town. That again is another post. But so far, it's kinda growing on me. It just might work out for the two of us. Looking forward to the adventures in store and other things.
My ex just came to mind! How random! Now that will be the mother of all posts!!!! He is trapped in a loveless marriage! Ha! That's what you get for breaking up with me (this is what vanity looks like). I will not deny that once upon a time, I was dumped (this is what humility looks like). But when I saw him there was this rush of emotion and before any of us.... Like i said, that's for another post.
Looks like there might be a tiny winy problem in the kitchen. But look at that! DM(1)! take a wild guess what i decided to check out first!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Buzzzzz to myself
Whoa! haven't been on here in a loooong while! It's high time that changers. The problem is, i have never mastered the art of committing to something. That's why I never even bother with new year resolutions (Happy new year, btw :-)). However, with the many changes and challenges I am currently facing, i think it's better to commit to ranting out on this blog rather than on people who though might listen to me, do not give a damn or have bigger problems. Going out on a limb that people on blogger are very happy people without a care in the world!
So, yeah. That's what I'll do. i wont even care about TMI or being inappropriate. I guess if I am to really sort my issues should be able to state what they are precisely, right? I realize I am talking to myself here since I have no followers but at least i can hear myself :-)
Well, here's to a new start on the blog world. Cheers to me.
So, yeah. That's what I'll do. i wont even care about TMI or being inappropriate. I guess if I am to really sort my issues should be able to state what they are precisely, right? I realize I am talking to myself here since I have no followers but at least i can hear myself :-)
Well, here's to a new start on the blog world. Cheers to me.
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